When It Rains
by april elaine
Summary: Amanda comes down with the flu and things just kind of escalate a little out of control from there. (Rollins/Amaro)
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Here is the first part of a Rollaro two shot, because even though I'm writing an Amanda/Barba fic, I ship almost everything on this damn show. I'll probably post the second part to this tomorrow, and hopefully update my other story, too. Enjoy!_

"Amanda," he whispers into her ear, "are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Her pale cheeks flush with a tinge of pink, quickly scanning the squad room to make sure no one can see them. She knows that Olivia is speaking with a witness in her office, and that Fin and Carisi are off interviewing the parents of the suspected perp, but it catches her off guard. Nick is almost inarguably the more obvious of the two of them, but it's still a fairly bold display of affection for being on the job.

She sighs, knowing he must be fairly concerned about her, because every single time he's almost revealed their relationship it's been due to his over protective streak. She promised him she was okay, just tired, when she first walked into work about a half hour prior, but that clearly did not pacify his worries. Perhaps it would be best to just come clean.

"Honesty is the best policy, Rollins," he teases, sensing that she's mulling over her options in her head.

"You're being obvious," she whines, trying to deflect the topic of conversation, but he isn't having any of it."

"And you still haven't answered my question."

"It's just a headache."

He doesn't say anything, just raises an eyebrow and looks pointedly at her.

"A very bad headache," she sighs, hoping he doesn't press her any further.

"Do you need-

"I've already taken some Tylenol. I'll be fine in an hour. It's probably just from stress."

"Amanda."

"Nick, I'm fine. Will you please just go back to your desk and stop fussing over me before Fin and Carisi come back and you get us caught? Because having _that_ conversation with Liv will definitely not help my headache."

"If it gets worse or you feel like you're coming down with something, let me know, alright?"

"Alright. Now get back to work, detective."

Nick _clearly_ doesn't want to leave her alone, but Fin and Carisi come bustling back into the room, and he knows that he has to let it go for the time being. His intuition is telling him that something is not quite right, and his Amanda-radar is usually spot on, but he's aware that if he continues to press her on it in front of their coworkers then she'll get angry with him, which will only compound the problem. Still, he's frustrated, because he has a feeling how this will all play out. Amanda will likely start to feel worse, conveniently ignore the fact that she told him she'd let him know about that, and they'll end up fighting over it after work while simultaneously fighting over him trying to take care of her.

(It's happened once before.)

(Except this time, unbeknownst to Nick, it's going to play out with a bit more theatrics.)

The pounding in Amanda's head obscures the sudden fast talking that is happening around her, and does her best to retain the snippets of the seemingly urgent conversation that she manages to grasp a hold of. She really isn't feeling well, and suspects that she's contracted the flu from the way she woke up feeling that she had been hit by a truck that morning. She briefly considers that the best course of action may very well be to relay this information over to her boyfriend and allow him to take her home.

But she shakes her head in response to that thought, because her resistance to admitting her illness goes deeper than her reservations with vulnerability this time. She's emotionally poisoned by a conversation with her mother from the night before, but she doesn't want to think about that, either. She shivers, possibly from the memory, possibly from the fever that she's running, or possibly from both.

"Rollins, you catch that?"

"Huh?"

"You know; it would really help the team out if you would pay attention."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"I said it would help if you would pay attention," Olivia repeats, but this time devoid of annoyance. She's staring at Amanda quizzically, sensing that something is off about the blonde detective.

"My bad. You have my undivided attention now, Liv."

Amanda senses the concern on her superior's face, and chooses to ignore it, just as she chooses to look at Fin, ignoring the look that Nick is assuredly giving her. But while she can ignore Olivia's face, she apparently cannot ignore her voice, as she hears herself being asked if she is alright.

"I'm here, I'm here. Wait, what's going on with Rollins?" asks Barba, casually entering the shared space that the squad is occupying.

"Nothing, I'm fine. Can we get back to this perp?"

She doesn't know if she's believed or not, but her coworkers go back to discussing all the possible places this guy could be hiding, and she does her best to listen and chime in to avoid becoming the subject of investigation again.

"Nick, Fin, and I will go to his old house. Amanda, Carisi, you take his old high school."

"Got it, Liv."

Everyone is hurriedly putting on their bullet proof vests (just in case) and getting ready to rush out the door when Amanda once again feels Nick's presence right next to her.

"Amanda, are you sure you're up to this? Now is not the time to be stubborn. If you're not on your game you could get hurt."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine?"

"Until it's true, maybe? I am not letting you-

"You're not letting me do what? You're not Benson."

"You look like you're going to pass out," he growls, struggling to keep his voice down, "I'm just trying to keep you safe."

"Yeah? Well I don't need you to that. I'm a big girl."

"Amaro! Rollins! We don't have all day, let's go!"

Nick rolls his eyes and angrily pushes past Amanda, unbelievably frustrated. All he wants to do is to _help_. Does she really not understand how dangerous it would be if her and Carisi run into their suspect who very well might be armed when she's obviously unwell? And now he's not going to be able to fully focus on the scene he's being sent to with Olivia and Fin because he's going to be worried about Amanda the whole time. Essentially, if this guy is at either of the places they're checking, they're all screwed.

"On second thought," he hears Olivia interject his train of thought, "I think he's more likely to be at the school and it's a larger area, so we should probably have more of us at that location. Nick, go with Rollins and Carisi."

It's not until he's in the car with Carisi and Amanda, who is aggressively ignoring him from the backseat, that he receives some clarity regarding Olivia's sudden change of heart in the form of a text from Barba.

 _You're welcome, Amaro._

Nick is confused for a moment before he realizes that Barba was the only one of his coworkers who was not hastily preparing to exit the squad room, and was close enough to hear his conversation with his girlfriend and most likely texted Olivia regarding what he overheard.

 _Thank you, Barba, but what exactly did you say to Olivia and how much did you overhear?_

 _Enough to know that you two have something to hide and that Rollins needs someone to watch her back on this one. And fret not, all I said to Liv was that Rollins wasn't looking well and suggested she send you with her and Carisi to be on the safe side._

 _Excellent. Thanks again, Counselor._

 _Yeah, yeah. Go get the bad guy and look after your girlfriend._


	2. Chapter 2

"Nope, no one on the third floor has seen him, either. I don't think he's here guys," Carisi radios in.

"Agreed. I'll check the second floor one more time. Rollins, you still looking for potential witnesses in the lobby?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Rollins?"

"She's probably speaking with someone."

"We haven't heard from her in a while," Nick says slowly, trying to keep the panic rising in his chest at bay.

"Yeah, because we stationed her in the lobby questioning everyone who comes in and out of this school. I'm sure she's fine, Amaro."

"Rollins?" Nick tries again, and once again, receives no answer.

"Look, I'm all finished up here. I'll go check on her while you recheck the second floor."

He wants to argue and say that _he'll_ be the one to make sure that Amanda is alright, but he knows that she's likely just speaking to students, and that she's already angry with him. If he were to go find her, she would figure out that it was more or less a welfare check, and it would only piss her off more. And in this particular instance, she would probably be in the right.

A few minutes passed and Nick was absolutely certain that their perp was neither on the second floor and nor had anyone on the floor seen him. And considering how Fin and Olivia hadn't called him, he probably wasn't hiding at the location they went to check, either. Damn it, where was this guy?

"Alright, he's definitely not here. I'm coming back down. Did either of you two find anyone who claims to have seen him?"

Silence.

"Rollins? Carisi?"

"Amaro, I need you to stay calm. The paramedics are on their way, and-

"What the _fuck_ happened? Is Amanda okay? Is she shot? What happened?" he yells into his radio, already racing down the stairs. He would've heard a gunshot, wouldn't he? He shouldn't have left her alone; he shouldn't even have let her come down to the scene. This morning when she came into work being so obviously sick he should have-

"No, no, she's not shot. It's kind of ironic, actually-

" _Spit it out, Carisi._ "

"He _tried_ to take her hostage. According to an eye witness, our guy came in with a gun and put it against Amanda's head, threatened to kill her if she said a word. He was rushing her out the exit when she apparently passed out. When she went down, he must have thought the gun went off and he killed her, because then he bolted. Half the NYPD are now trying to chase him down."

"She passed out? Is she awake now? How long has it been?"

"She's awake now, if not very disoriented. Apparently was out for a couple of minutes. Where are you?"

"Right here," Nick breathes, in person and not over radio, and immediately kneels down next to Amanda. He looks her over, shuddering at how sickly pale her skin is and the glassy look in her eyes.

"I'll uh, I'll step outside and call Liv to tell her that Rollins is awake now," Carisi says a little awkwardly, knowing enough about the bond between Amaro and Rollins to recognize the need to give them some privacy.

Nick moves the back of his hand to Amanda's forehead, and inhales sharply in response to the abnormal amount of heat radiating from her body. How the hell hadn't he thought to check if she had a fever earlier?

" 'S'not your fault. It's mine," she manages to mumble, recognizing the guilt on her boyfriend's face through the hazy fog of her mind. Good god, talking is hard, everything is hard, and her eyelids feel so heavy…

"No, no, no. Amanda, keep your eyes open. Stay with me, okay?"

"I'm so tired," she moans very dramatically, and maybe if Nick's heart wasn't still pounding against the walls of chest so unbelievably quickly, he would've chuckled a little bit.

"I know, I know. You can sleep a little later when we're at the hospital, but for right now, I need you to stay awake."

"I'm not dying."

"Amanda-

"Fine, fine. I'm awake."

"Good. Do you remember what happened?"

"Mhmm. I was waiting for you and Carisi to finish up and come back downstairs when all of the sudden I felt really dizzy. I was going to go sit down when all of the sudden he was there, and he had a gun to my head. He was making me come with him but my vision was starting to go all blurry, and then he yelled at me to hurry up, and then everything went black. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor and Carisi is cursing in Italian."

"Okay, good. Maybe you didn't hit your head too hard. And do you also remember this morning when I asked you if you were alright and told me that you just had a headache?"

"Nick-

They're interrupted by the EMTs arriving before Amanda can try to perform any damage control, and Nick does his best to slide into his "just a concerned coworker" persona as her vitals are taken and she's asked question after question about any symptoms that she may or may not be experiencing.

"Sounds like the flu, but temp is on the high side and you could have a concussion, so we're going to take you in to be monitored for a few hours."

"Figured it was the flu," Amanda mutters bitterly, but then immediately feels bad for saying so in front of Nick.

"Didn't figure that you should mention that to me?" he asks quietly.

The ride to the hospital is silent and tense until Amanda starts gagging. Nick helps her to sit up just in time for her to puke on his shoes. She tries to apologize, before being cut off by the need to be sick again.

"Shh, shh, it's alright," he soothes her as she retches, his anger at her taking a backseat to his more pressing concern for her wellbeing. He abandons the idea of trying to be covert about their relationship, opting to comfort her however "obviously" as he sees fit. If two EMTs figure out that he and Amanda are in love with each other, then really, what's the harm in that? He highly doubts one of them will decide to call the NYPD because they care _that much_ about suspected fraternization and police regulations.

"I'll buy you new shoes," Amanda offers once she's done throwing up, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"No you won't," Nick answers firmly, guiding her to lay back down.

"No, I _will_. I promise."

"I think you misunderstand me, Amanda. I know that you would, but I'm telling you not to. I couldn't care less about my shoes right now."

"But-

"Hush. You're sick. I'm worried about _you_."

He expects more protests, probably some sass, possibly even a slap on the arm, but what he really doesn't expect is for her to burst into tears. Any remaining anger he is harboring towards her is immediately forgotten. She is not a crier.

"Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong? Really, I don't fucking care about my shoes, Amanda."

She says nothing, but doesn't protest when Nick pulls her close to him.

"Amanda," he murmurs, "tell me what's wrong, please."

He feels her shaking her head against his chest and he pleads with her to tell him what's bothering her once more.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it," she sniffles.

"Don't worry about it? Detective Rollins, have we met before?"

"My mom."

"Hmmm?"

"I'm just… thinking about something my mom said to me over the phone last night."

Before he can inquire further, they arrive at the hospital and despite her protests that "it really isn't necessary," Amanda is taken away from him to be admitted for testing. He's told he'll get to see her again in under an hour, and sighs, sinking into a chair in the waiting room. This all could have been avoided if he had just-

"Nick? We've got the guy in custody. How's Amanda?"

"They think she'll be alright. They just want to make sure it's the flu and that she doesn't have a concussion from when she fell. Is everyone else okay? Nobody got hurt?"

"Everyone is fine," Olivia assures him, "It wasn't that hard to talk him down. He was panicked- thought he had killed Rollins, which may have very well been a part of his plan, just later on down the line. He was going to hold her hostage to try to get huge media attention and for us to bend to his will. You know, Rollins having the flu may have very well saved her life."

"You know what else would have done that? Her not coming into work today because she has the flu."

"Point taken, but you know Rollins."

"Yeah," he sighs, "I do."

"Are _you_ okay? Carisi mentioned that you seemed really shaken up."

"I thought she had been shot," he says simply, and Olivia does not press him any further.

Amanda somehow charms her way out of having to stay at the hospital for longer than two hours, because of course she does, and Nick is a little skeptical regarding if that's really what is for the best, but all he really wants to do is to be alone with her so she can hold her, so he doesn't fight her on it.

What he _does_ fight her on is her insistence that she can walk up the stairs to her apartment without assistance. Of course she can't do it, but of course she thinks that she can. She gets up about half a flight of stairs before he sees her start to wobble a little bit, and for him, that's enough probable cause to pick her up and carry her the rest of the day. It mildly pisses her off, but at that point, she's too tired to give him any real trouble for it. He smiles at the sight of her struggling to keep her eyes open in his arms.

"You can sleep now, if you'd like."

"Soon. Wanna talk first."

"Wait… you _want_ to talk?"

"Oh stop it," she groans as he gently places her down on her bed, "I just wanted to apologize for… today. I should've told you how badly I was feeling. I thought about telling you, I just…"

"You just what?"

"I know this is going to sound incredibly backwards considering I ended up having to take a trip to the hospital, but I didn't want to worry you. Obviously that didn't work out, but I didn't want to be… a burden."

"A burden? Amanda, why would you ever think that you would be a burden? I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, of course I know that."

"Okay. Then why-

"My mother said that I should stop burdening you with me and my issues," she blurts out, and Nick is a silent, his jaw dropped, for a good moment.

"Amanda, that's-

"She said that you already have two kids and I'm such a mess that I'm practically a third one."

"Your mother is wrong. You are not a burden, do you hear me?"

"…Maybe," Amanda says quickly, turning over so that she's facing away from her boyfriend. She soon feels him slide into bed beside her, an arm of his looping around her body.

"Amanda. I love you. You are a not a burden to me and never will be. Everyone has their crap that they're working through, okay? No one is perfect. Lord knows I'm not. When Carisi radioed me that something was wrong I was terrified, because you mean more to me than words can express. If you hadn't… If something had happened to you.. I-I don't know what I would do. So please hear me when I say that your mother is wrong and is just trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Please, _please_ , never hesitate to come to me when something's wrong ever again, okay?"

"I-I didn't mean to scare you," she says quietly, trying desperately to hold back the tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"I know, I know," he reassures her, "I know that you didn't mean to do me any harm. But forget about me, Amanda, what about you? What if hadn't thought that he had accidentally shot you, and had taken you hostage when you're this sick?"

"I don't even want to think about that."

"Neither do I, but it could have happened. So please just promise me that you'll be honest about it the next you're sick?"

"I promise, Nick. Again, I am _so_ sorry."

"Shh, you're safe with me now, all is forgiven. And let me tell you again, you are not a burden, you are a gift. Even though you might not believe that yet, I'm going to keep telling you that."

"I don't deserve you."

"You do, actually. We can and _will_ talk about this more later, but you need to sleep. I'll make you soup when you wake up and then we can watch whatever trashy reality tv you want to. Does that sound good?"

"That sounds great. I love you, Nick."

"I love you, too. Sleep well, Amanda."

Nick knows that Amanda's issues with her sense of worth, or her troubles with opening up won't magically disappear because he tells her how much he loves her. He knows it'll take time, work, and hopefully the decision to cut her mother out of her life. He knows that they'll probably have fights stemming from her not wanting to lean on him emotionally, and he knows that he'll get frustrated with her.

But he also knows that he loves her, and that she's safe, and that he'll gladly stand by her throughout all of their inevitable ups and downs.

That's just what you do when you've got someone as special as Amanda.


End file.
